It has been three years since my mom passed away. I think about her every day, but obviously this day brings about so many memories. Losing her brought so many trials and “firsts” to me. The first important paper I ever signed was the one that said not to resuscitate her, the first funeral I planned was hers, my first writing that was ever published was her obituary, and the first piece of land I owned was her grave plot. This was not how I expected things to happen. No matter how hard these trials were, I would not give up the time I was so fortunate to spend with her. My mom was the most selfless person I have ever met. She did everything for my sister and me, including live. (On February 14th, 2007 my mom was told that she was very sick and most likely would not make it. My family had heard that numerous times before during her hospital ordeal, but this was the first time she heard it. She was so tired, but was adamant on fighting for us. She told a nurse that she was ready to go, but was so worried about my sister and me. It wasn’t until we said goodbye and let her know that we would be ok that she let go.)
It can be so easy to focus on the negative and bad memories of her being sick in the hospital. It can be so easy to feel bad for yourself. (Believe me, I have done enough of this in the past week as I have decided it is a good idea to watch Terms of Endearment and listen to James Taylor and Carly Simon in the car. I’m pretty sure Derek and passing motorists are tired of me bawling!) I don’t want to remember that time or how my mom was so sick and helpless. Instead, I want to remember my mom as she was when she wasn’t sick.
My mom was the funniest person! She was known for always being able to come up with a sarcastic remark. I remember one time, soon after the Super Bowl with the Janet Jackson incident, Janet was on T.V. Without missing a beat my mom yelled at the T.V. “Hey Janet, flip us a nip!” There were always funny comments like that! She was also known for sending out fake Christmas letters. She would put things in them such as “Jen is finally potty trained” (mind you I was 17) or “Holly is finally on parole”. She was also the woman who “lobbied” for coke can holders in the chapel at church! There are so many funny stories! Not many people know this, but she was such a humorous and amazing writer that she actually had her work published in newspapers!
My mom was incredibly sensitive. She cried at every sappy commercial, movie, song or story. (I definitely take after her in that aspect, as I can’t make it through McDonalds, Hallmark or Onstar commercials without crying!) Because she was so sensitive, she was also intuitive to other people’s needs and feelings! She would leave little notes in our lunches, write us letters on holidays and even pick up flowers for us if we had surgery! She was also very approachable and a good listener! Not only would she listen to our problems, strangers would also find her safe to confide in! She would go to Macey’s and the cashier would tell my mom about her boyfriend problems, or the man at Taco Bell would tell her all about his headache. She genuinely cared about people’s feelings. This is why she was such as good teacher and friend.
My mom was a hard worker and selfless. Everything she did or had was for my sister and me. When we struggled, my mom swallowed her pride numerous times to make sure we were taken care of. She made every holiday special for us. Up until she passed away, she was still decorating for birthdays (always putting a sign on the door) and making sure we had “Santa” presents at Christmas.
My mom was amazing. I will succeed as a parent if I am only a fraction as good as she was. I miss her so much it physically hurts and I fall apart sometimes, but I was so incredibly blessed to have her in my life for as long as I did!
P.S. I asked people on facebook to leave a memory of my mom. These are just a few:
· “I have so many loving and great memories of my beautiful aunt. The one that always sticks out in my head is when I was very young and she was babysitting me. The night before I got a black eye from running into a wood couch. The next day she took me shopping and I was carrying, or I should say dragging her purse. In her crazy sense of humor she said, “quit crying, or I’ll blacken your other eye.” You should have seen the looks we got from people.”
· “When we were kids, every summer when we were out of school, Kathy would run and 2 hour daycare/school for kids at our house. She was born to be the coolest teacher that she was.” · “I remember talking to your mom for hours on the phone. We always laughed so hard, my sides hurt. We used to laugh about stupid Seinfeld episodes and ridiculous politicians. Kathy always had the greatest jokes. She was so keenly observant of people and had such a wry sense of humor.” · “Kathy has the sharpest wit of any person I have ever met. I can remember her "little kitty" jokes. She always said she was going to write a book about Sloanie and his little kitty tennis shoes and his little kitty lunchbox. I will never forget when she decided Sloan should learn to fetch. We spent about three hours in the family room of our old house laughing our guts out. She was on all fours on the floor and I would toss the ring off of a milk carton and she would scramble over and pick the ring up in her mouth and bring it back to me. I will be danged if she didn't teach Sloanie how to fetch by example.” ·”I remember her telling Pamela and Rob the Little red riding hood story and acting out the whole thing. I remember nights of us sneaking treats to our room and seeing who could get up the stairs to get a coke out of the fridge without my mom hearing. We would wait until she was in the tub. It was all very technical.” · “I remember having her called as Young Women's secretary when I was serving as president. During the sacrament meeting when she was to be sustained, she passed a note up to me (through LOTS of people) that read: "Oh by the way, I DON'T CAMP!!!" I loved her sense of humor!” ·I'll never forget when you guys would come to my grandparents on Sunday night and one time she parked in the driveway and everyone gave her such a hard time for taking someone else’s (supposed) parking space, we joked about it a lot after that whenever she would come over.” · “The thing that stands out the most was her laugh. She had an incredible laugh and it seemed that when she was around there was also plenty of laughter. ♥”
On his next birthday, his 22nd, I didn’t throw him a party, but I still tried to make his day special. Decorations, nice dinner, nice presents and a cake from Dairy Queen, his favorite, completed did the job.
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